Mr. Grooism

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December 10, 2003 - 9:17 p.m.

Have your Cake and Grooism Too!


Here, have some cake!

Yummmm, that sure does look good!

Grooism #3

One fine day back when I was in college I was showering before heading out to my first class of the day. Soap-soap-soap, lather-lather-lather, I was doing fine, nothing much happening on this routine schoolday, my mind wandering as it is ever wont, and I idly reached out and picked up the shampoo bottle.

Now, to this day, I can't adequately explain exactly why I stuck my finger in the opening of this bottle, but dammit I did, and yes it got stuck!

Pull-pull-pull, twist-twist-twist, pull-twist-pull, I couldn’t seem to get the @#$%*&! thing out! Lather around the finger, twist-pull-twist, whew! This went on for almost a half hour before the finger finally popped out, all red and raw.

I rinsed off, got dressed, and sprinted to class a full half hour late. I walked in and of course was greeted with sarcasm by my favorite teacher, Professor H.L. "So, Larry, care to explain why you think you can just waltz in a half hour late?"

"Ummm, can I tell you after class, H.L.?"


So I told him after class. His response?

"Larry, Larry, Larry. Coming from anyone but you I wouldn't believe it, but coming from you? No problem, I believe it!!! "

Hmmm, I suppose we have room to post another Grooism while we’re on a roll, so here goes…

Grooism #4
The Old Chopstick in the Carburetor Trick.

Yet another Grooism from my college years…

One day my car ran out of gas a few blocks from campus, and I managed to push it out of traffic and into the University parking lot by myself. I walked to the gas station, got a can of gas, and filled up the tank. The car, by the way, was a powder blue '72 Duster.

I know very little about cars, except stuff like turn key, twist steering wheel, turn up radio, that kind of stuff. However, I remembered from the many, many, many other times I ran out of gas that, if the engine didn’t turn over right away, I should prime the carburetor by putting a couple of drops of gas into the valve on top. I rummaged around the trash piled in the back seat looking for a screwdriver or something to hold the valve open with…

Aha, a chopstick!!! (wooden, not plastic or bamboo, btw)

I was somehow under the impression that I had to actually hold the valve open while starting the car, so I left the chopstick in there as I cranked her up.

Hurray! She started!

Shortly thereafter, I called my friend Brian's room, who unlike me is mechanically “ept”.

"Hey Brian, it's Larry…"

"Yeah, hi. We were all watching you from the window. Ran outta gas, huh?

"Ummm, yeah, but there's a complication. Ya see, I’ve got a chopstick stuck in my carburetor and I can't get it out..."

"YOU WHAT!!!?"

Oh, I'm sure you can imagine the howls of laughter from everyone in the room as my predicament was explained to The Zoodogs (as my group was known). Nope, never managed to live that one down, although Brian did manage to remove it for me with ease.

So, what did we learn from today’s lesson?

1) Cake makes great makeup.
2) Don’t stick things into other things.

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