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February 12, 2004 - 11:43 p.m.

Thirteen and a Half Things™

Thirteen and a Half Answers…
To Age Old Questions!

1. Why Do Men Pick Their Noses While Stopped At Traffic Lights
Hey, have you ever hit a pothole while picking your nose doing 40? Ow ow ow ow OW!

2. Why Do Politicians Lie?
Because fundamentally unlikable people need need need you to like them to further their goals/plans/nefarious plots!

3. Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear, Every Time You Are Near?
They think you’ve Got Bread, why else?

4. Why Do Guys Flush The Toilet While They Are Still Peeing*
Personally? It’s a race to finish before the last swirl goes down the tube. I never was much good at races! Check out this Imponderable over at Dave Feldman’s hysterical Imponderables web site.
*Those of us who flush at all, anyway.

5. Why Was I Suddenly Reminded of Dave Feldman’s Imponderables While Writing The Above Question?
Hmm, I guess because I should have realized before that particular light bulb went on that this entire list is nothing more than a poor attempt to mimick his finely crafted shtick! Damn!

6. Why don’t Lois, Jimmy, Perry and Lex Luthor recognize Superman when Clark is wearing glasses?
It’s quite simple really, and makes a lot of sense once you really think about it. The real question should be why are my opponents making such a big deal over a simple question that has been answered many times before? It’s just really a shame that people are continuing to bring this issue up. It’s clear that some are not interested in the facts. I want to share the facts with you. This is an important issue that some chose to raise in the context of an election year, and the facts are important for people to know.

7. Will this work for me?
Not a chance.

8. Hey wait, did you just totally cop out on questions #6 & 7?
Yeah, and 5, 8, 9 & 10 too!

9. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
What, African or European?

10. If Godzilla is so unstoppable and bullets, bombs and missiles harmlessly bounce off of him, but complicated devices that fail to properly stop him are able to anchor themselves deep in his hide, why don’t they just shoot him with a big giant arrow and be done with it?
Where’s the fun in that? (Oh, and Thanks D.F.!)

11. Do completely sober people ever actually say the words “It’s ok, I’m completely sober?”

12. Is this list even halfway funny?

13. Who is funnier, Carrot Top, Adam Sandler, Pauly Shore, or Burt Lancaster?
Lancaster all the way, baby!

13.5. Then how come…?

Add your own comments, I’d love to hear from you!
2 comments so far

Ahoy, mateys! Only until Talk Like A Pirate Day!

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