Mr. Grooism

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April 03, 2004 - 10:03 p.m.

24 Miles Per Hour!

…Is the Correct Answer!!!

Thanks to fellow Groopie Lia Bulaong over at for the groundbreaking link, Twenty First Century scientific knowhow now has the answer to one of the most important questions of the Twentieth Century! What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

After much convincing gobbledygook, mumbo-jumbo and equations, our esteemed researcher Jonathan Corum arrived at the answer we’ve been waiting for! Says Jonathan: the average cruising airspeed velocity of an unladen European Swallow is roughly 11 meters per second, or 24 miles an hour. And There Was Much Rejoicing!


I have a new favorite band! Their name is Cyber Seal! The awesome cover art of their debut album Join The Club showcases a bionic Phoca groenlandica on the cover frying a poacher with his eye-mounted laser while beating another senseless with his Titanium Flippers! Their first single, Deceiver, Deceiver, Trousers Aflame is a rocking maelstrom of dueling guitar riffs which asks the musical question “Why is Larry making something like this up two full days after April Fool’s Day?

Okay, so I had a customer in the store the other day who, when approached to see if there was something I could help him find, mumbled something incoherent about “Cyber Seal” and turned away.

“I’m sorry, did you say ‘Cyber Seal? ’Are you looking for the latest Seal album, or, ummm…”

He turned away and walked off still mumbling aloud towards the “S” section of Pop/Rock. He looked at me and said “Cyber Seal?” again before he again turned and mumbled some more. He had a strong Russian accent, and I just wasn’t getting it.

’Cyber Seal?’ Are they a new band…? I’m sorry sir, I can’t hear what you’re saying…” I said as I walked around towards his front again. He once again turned away, and I finally realized he was wearing a hands-free earbud and mumbled into his cell phone, turning away because he was not in fact talking to me!

Exkyooss pleess, I’m on the phone, sorry.” he said, then finally facing me “I am looking for Cyber Seal, Cyber Seal…

Hmmm, Cyber Seal, Cybersseal, Sigh-burrrrs-heel, CYPRUS HILL!? Oh, you’re looking for Cyprus Hill!!!

“Yes, yes, Cyber Seal!”

I soooo wanted to toss the guy a fish in the face!!!

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