Mr. Grooism

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August 03, 2004 - 9:25 p.m.

Thirteen and a Half Things™

Ok, time to get political! I’ve been saying for a while now that there needs to be a stronger name for Middle Of The Road, as it sounds too wishy-washy. Yet most Americans are not solid Red or Blue, but are hues and shades uniquely their own. We all demonstrate tendencies one way or another on some issues but not necessarily on all issues. Anyway, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, so on with the list!

Thirteen and a Half Things™…
I’d like to see both Bush and Kerry do!

1. Mention a strength of the opponent in a positive way, but detail how they are even stronger.
2. Publicly tell an extremist supporter What they are Full Of.
3. Debate each other on network television, no holds barred, anything goes. And Really Go For It!
4. Do or say something stupid, admit that it was stupid, take full responsibility, and apologize.
5. Stick to The Issues, give detailed How’s and Why’s.
6. Simultaneously nail Ralph Nader with Coconut Cream Pies!
7. Give me a million dollars apiece (hey, as long as I’m dreaming…)
8. Innovate.
9. Publish an easy-to-understand Manifesto for the Masses.
10. Gently lean back towards the Middle of the Road.
11. Get involved in a silly “Got You Last!” slap fight (the Secret Service kind of has to chill about this one…)
12. Value Every Human Life.
13. Talk candidly and openly about Skull & Bones.
13.5. Disclose sordid details about that time…

What’s The Score?

Hee hee, it’s now Mice 3, Larry 1, as I finally nailed one with a spring trap baited with a lime jelly ring! Mrs. D. has caught 5, and neither of us has seen any sign of the little brats in days, so dare we hope that that’s all, folks? Stay tuned!


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