Mr. Grooism

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December 28, 2003 - 11:36 a.m.

Another Classic Grooism

Grooism #6: Coffee, Jets and Chicken, oh my!

I attended Hofstra University in the 1980’s, which also happens to be where the New York Jets practice. During my freshman year I was working as a busboy in the University Club, and committed the type of faux pas that green busboys commit every day all over the world - I spilled hot coffee on someone.

However, not content to merely screw up by spilling hot coffee on any-old-someone, I had to drench the lap of a Jets player’s wife during a pre-season party. To quote Roseanne Rosannadanna, "I thought I was gonna DIE", or more correctly be stomped into gruel!

However, as upset as they were by my clumsiness (Did I err?) they were both pretty cool about it as I spluttered and apologized. I then stumbled into the kitchen, sat down, and just shook for a bit.

Sorry, I don't know the player's name or that of his wife, as I've never been much of a football fan; I'm fundamentally a baseball fan.

There is one Jets player whose name I will never forget, though, Mark Gastineau!

About two years after The Coffee Incident that swine tried to run me over with his Jeep during an extremely one-sided game of chicken!.

I was working as Student Security at the entrance to the Jets Complex one morning when Gastineau arrived for a workout. Instead of slowing down so I could check him out and let him by, Gang Green’s* Gorilla just gunned his Jeep right at me, made me dive out of the way like the world’s worst stuntman, then hopped the curb to tear up the grass a bit before entering the complex, all the while cackling like a lunatic!

Such class! It’s a wonder the team survived The Gastineau Era without any major lawsuits!

Needless to say, this did nothing to convert me to a football fan!

*I’m not sure when the Jets’ nickname “Gang Green” evolved, but I’ve always thought it rather appropriate for Gastineau’s team to be described by a rotting flesh disease!

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